The toilet roll war
Married couples develop odd little games after a while, and Kristen and I are no different. These games are never stated as such, and very rarely acknowledged. It might be a game of, Who’s Letting the Dogs Out Before Bedtime? or Who Will Empty the Dishwasher? My favorites are, Who Will Break Down and Find That Smell? and Who is Gonna Answer The Damn Phone!
Nothing, however, trumps the Toilet Roll War. Ours started innocently enough, as these games usually do. My wife crawled into bed and bonked me on the head with an empty toilet paper roll.
“You didn’t replace the roll again,” she said, settling into her pillow.
“Yes, I did.” I replied, putting my book down. “I just put a new one in there this afternoon.”
“No, you just threw a new roll on top of the toilet.”
“Like I said,” I replied. “New roll.”
Some consider the source of marital friction to be an indication of that marriage’s overall health. My wife and I are lucky in that we never argue over the important things like love, respect, or the general direction of our lives. Instead, we can major in minor things like how to properly replace bathroom tissue. Every couple has its own bathroom battles, of course-some argue about whether or not to roll up the toothpaste from the bottom, others over the failure to wipe the mirror after brushing one’s teeth. For my wife, an empty toilet paper roll is like a raised middle finger.
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